Perseverance

What a great and new day yesterday was. Willik started football (soccer) with the Woodhaven Soccer Club yesterday. Glaucia wrote about it in her blog. Willik hurt himself a few times during the game. He kept jumping feet first toward the ball, but was usually beat to the ball by the mob of kids surrounding the ball. That just left him lying on the ground with kids tripping over him. At one point, he had a little blood and snot mixture coming out of his nose -- not to mention his tears. This was his first real introduction to the "rat race." He was thrown into a world where everyone is after the same thing and nobody is going to wait for you to get up before they move on. He is so used to being able to feel a sense of control over the "issues" of his life. He had a real wake-up call yesterday.

Prior to yesterday's bonanza, he was very excited about soccer. He envisioned having full access to the ball, kicking it every time into the goal. What he got was a few glimpses of the ball, an occasional brush of it on his foot, trampling on by a mob, and about three good kicks.

He was crying, telling us he didn't want to play any more. It was a very critical moment in his life - and mine as a father. I could see in his eyes that he couldn't understand the point of continuing. He could kick the ball all he wanted if it was just him, Phoenix, and dad. Why fight over the ball with a bunch of kids he's never met before? In the comfort of his grandparents' backyard, he could be a superstar. He pleaded with us to bring him home. He even left the field, crying. At this moment, I'm starting to tread new waters. I didn't want to be cold-hearted and yell at him, "Quit being a big baby and get back out there!" I also didn't want to cater to his near-sightedness by letting him get away with quitting. It would have been easy to tell myself that maybe he's not ready for this and we could try it again next year. I had a deep, strong feeling that if we quit, we'd be setting a standard of quitting for the rest of his life.

We told him to keep playing. It's okay if he doesn't kick the ball into the goal, or even if he doesn't kick the ball at all. I told him to stay on his feet and to stop jumping feet first at the ball. And if he falls, get up as soon as possible. He got back in and did all of that. He jumped a couple of times at the ball, but not as much and only out of habit (I guess that's something he does at school). He didn't cry any more. We all cheered for him very loudly.

After his time on the field, we told him how proud we were of him. He kept asking me yesterday why I was proud of him for getting hurt and for only kicking the ball seven times -- who knows where he came up with that number. I told him that I was proud of him for playing and not quitting. He doesn't have to score points for me to be proud. I told him that it doesn't feel strong when you are hurt and getting back up, but it is strong and makes you stronger.

Since yesterday, he's been saying how much he loves me. He keeps hugging me. I can see a sense of security in his eyes. I actually have no idea how he is feeling. I am so thankful that I have this opportunity to build up a future man. Just when parenting has been feeling like "Stop fighting!" "Don't do that!" "Go sit in your room!", God revealed a new part of it to me. This is a learning experience for me just as much as for him. I remember messing up often in sports as a kid, but instead of encouragement to keep going I was laughed at by my older cousins. I quit every extra-curricular activity after that, because I was allowed to quit. I quit the boy scouts the moment it became challenging. I quit basketball, track and field, cross country, musical instruments. I cannot remember a single activity I followed through with as a young person. The first challenging "event" I remember actually finishing without quitting was boot camp for the Marine Corps. That was a miracle, because I was ready to quit many times during boot camp.

All the glory and honor goes to God, who is leading me by the hand every day, showing me how to be a father to my boys.

Hebrews 12:1-3

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

eBay fun

Online School

I'm enrolled at Baker College. I'm towards the end of my first class called College Success Online. Wow, has it been overwhelming. I thought online school would be just reading, watching videos, and submitting assignments. They expect much more out of you. I need to "participate" at least 5 out of 7 days a week. Participating is contributing real discussions and ideas to the class discussion board. Part of many assignments is to not only do your part, but to read other people's submissions and comment on theirs. So, not only do I have plenty class material to read, plenty to work on for my homework, but I also need to spend time reading other people's homework -- and then comment on it. My grade is affected by my participating or lack of participation.

All of that just to say to all of you considering online school - beware. If you have a steady enough schedule to attend college locally, do it. It is much easier to sit in class twice a week (part time school), than to put so much effort in every day of the week reading what other students have submitted as their homework. I only enrolled in school to get a Computer Science degree, not a teacher's. I have to admit, though, that I like getting feedback from other students on my homework. I believe in the idea that feedback from more people other than the teacher helps me to get a better picture of myself. I just don't have the time to devote to giving feedback on the other students' work.

Maybe other online schools aren't as time-demanding as Baker. I like the price of Baker College. Also, this is just the first class. I'm hoping that taking other classes that actually relate to my field of study will grab my attention more. This class has been full of learning about time management, planning life goals, working in groups, and even creating a mission statement for my life. All of those subjects are things I've been thinking I need to try to implement personally. A couple of them are also very unlike me. I'm not a planner, so anything that involves planning has the tendency of paralyzing and frustrating me. I've been trying to work on that, but to have all of it thrown at me within just two or three weeks has really hit me hard. I guess I would update my above statement to say that if you are a good planner, online school might not be a bad idea for you!

Thank God I'm Tired

These past few weeks have been some trying times. I've had so many days of doubt. Too much watching my family strugling through some of the hardest times we've experienced. My days have been going by where I'm completely losing track of time, forgetting if I ate or who I've spoken to. I've spent hours on the phone with so many people. Hours of these days have been in deep, true prayer. I'm exhausted. My mom is exhausted. My patience is being stretched to its outer limits. At times, I haven't felt any emotions, just numbness.

The craziest thing about all of this is that when I pause, pray, and remember, I feel peace and hope. If I start thinking about what things have gone wrong and the potential problems that might creep up, I can feel what the enemy wants me to feel. When I look on how these past few weeks have been and remember how God's people have pulled together, how great the hospital was that my brother went to, how I see my mom living with hope, and numerous blessings in between -- I can see that God is faithful and is working and has been working. If I give in to the fears of the enemy, I'll miss out on the hope God's providing. He's brought us this far, He's not going to forsake us now. God is REAL and ALIVE and ACTIVE.

It is scary and exciting to trust in God. I know He is working all things for the good of those that love Him, but the scary thing is how far He'll allow us to be stretched in the mean time (I mean, He wanted His Son to die on the cross!). Another scary thing is that I'm not losing hope, so I'm afraid God will allow Satan to stretch me further. Go ahead. If God allows it, then I'll still praise God, because He knows a heck of alot more than Satan.

These hard times have opened my eyes to God's power. He is fighting a tough battle with darkness and He's using us feeble, broken, lame believers as His warriors. That's gotta be a blow to Satan's pride! I can't wait to see what else is in store.

Glaucia's back!

Sorry world for not posting in over a month! My wonderful and beautiful wife is back in town (her blog). She went to Indonesia for two weeks on a mission trip, while I stayed home in New York with the boys. I had a lot of help from my in-laws (sister-in-law Raquel's blog). I learned much about God's mercy and patience with all the time I spent with my sons. I got to spend Thanksgiving with Glaucia, Willik, and Phoenix, along with plenty members of the Brazilian church that my father-in-law, Paulo, pastors. I think before this year, I had to go to work for three Thanksgivings in a row. It was good to not have to work this time around.

It's been good to have Glaucia back this whole week. Glaucia's still recovering from the 12-hour time zone adjustment, so she's been sleepy during times that we normally would get to talk. I haven't heard many of the stories yet from her trip, because she's just been too tired to stay awake when the kids are asleep. One thing I'm very excited about is one of the first things she said on the day she got back. She said we should start planning a mission trip to China and saving up for it. Awesome! I'm very excited about the new fire that's been kindled in her heart. I love the thought of our family being a missionary family.

I've been praying fervently every day about what my family's purpose is. I like the idea that we are a team with passions designed by God. I've been trying to make the focus of our household centered around God and on what He's created us to be. He created an artist in Glaucia. Since she's been a mother, she's sacrificed almost every moment of the past 4 years to not pursuing art as her daily life. While she's been gone, and when the kids have been sleeping, I've been trying to organize our apartment to give Glaucia some art space. I've been clearing out closets, drawers, and bins of clothes and stuff that I don't need. My apartment is still cluttered with too much stuff, but I've felt great having a focus on making art space for Glaucia. I began resurrecting art supplies that have been buried deep in our clutter and placing them into an accessible set of drawers. There is plenty to do, but I'm getting very close to having enough floor space to set up her drawing table. This is a piece of furniture she's had since her college days at F.I.T. and hasn't been alive for at least 8 years!

Making writing space for myself isn't as important to me, since I don't need much but a pen and paper (It just feels more natural than typing on a laptop). But I would like to create some space for delving into the geeky world of robotics. Not much experience in that area, just some supplies and a big fascination with programming machines.

Willik and Phoenix have most of the space dedicated to them. They've got almost our entire living room with toys they love to scatter everywhere. I've been attempting to spend more time in their world as opposed to giving them a little world to play in while I manage my own. I've noticed that they could be begging to play with the computer or PlayStation 2, but I could start building with Legos and they would join me and forget about all their demands for computer games. I need to remember that more often.

Today at Graffiti we had a guest speaker share about the parable of the master giving money to his three servants(found in Matthew 25:14-30). I like this parable. We often interpret this to mean that if you don't use your talents for God's glory, you will lose out on your reward in Heaven. I've been looking at this in a slightly different way. The "money" the master has given us is our moments in time that God has shown us what to do or say. Only you would know what those moments are. I know many moments in my life where I wasn't doing something bad, but I was ignoring a need that I saw in a person. It's easy to ignore a need in someone if they've never expressed that need by speaking up. People speak much louder than their words. I feel I've seen needs in people that I've ignored, because nobody is expecting me to respond. In that sense, I am as guilty as the servant who buried his money and didn't risk the investment of love and compassion in the tiniest, most unnoticed moments in my life. Here's an example that sounds VERY insignificant:

Last week, I saw a family parking in a spot in midtown. They all got out of the car. They looked like they were trying to figure out if they need to pay for the parking meter. This was Thanksgiving day. In New York City, nobody needs to pay parking meters on Federal holidays. I felt I could make their lives easier by just telling them that they don't need to pay the meter. I never told them. I think they figured it out for themselves. It was just the tiniest, unnoticed moment in anybody's life. But I strongly feel that those are the moments that we will be held accountable for. I can picture Jesus asking me what I was avoiding in that moment. I was just being a New Yorker. And that's my problem. I've been conformed to the mindset of my society and not to the mindset of the Spirit.

Right now, my moments to focus on are with my wife and children. I would love to change the world by empowering the common man with knowledge. I would love to organize the owners of little mom and pop stores to come together and create a system where they are not eaten alive by Big Box Mart. I would like to spread internet access to starving villages in remote parts of the world. But those are the big noticeable things that might get my name recognized by books and what not. The little moments that God has given me are the ones with my wife and kids. That's where I'll be held accountable on the day I'm introduced to eternity.